The Death of Thalia Mousai
by The Miserable
Summary: This is yet another fiction revolving around the 50 Ways to Piss off Lord Voldemort - but with a storyline ;)
1. Default Chapter

Name: The Death of Thalia Mousai  
  
Chapter: Introduction  
  
Author: TheMiserable (if you want to reach me by email, feel free to do so at NaivetteSocks@yahoo.com)  
  
Notes: The humor will come, I promise. I just wanted to ensure that my story is a bit on the plausible side so I wanted to give a little background information first. The next chapter will also have some more background information but it will have my nifty view of God, so you know it's going to offend someone. Sorry. And this chapter is very much an introduction. I just wanted the reader to know a little bit about Thalia.  
  
Notes Pt2: I put the Marauders in the four houses because that's where I see them. J.K. has never said anything to the contrary.  
  
Notes Pt3: I'm rather fond of Greek Mythology. Thalia was the Muse for comedy, and Mousai is a word for Muse. She was the daughter of Mnemosyne who gave birth to eight other daughters, each were Muses. Clio was one of them: the muse of history. I may or may not get into Thalia's family. I might end up doing it in the next chapter.  
  
Spoilers: You have to have read 5. It directly refers to the death and I can't ruin that for you.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters outside of Thalia Mousai and her family (though if J.K. wants to sell me Sirius, I'll see what I can pay). I'm not making money off of this and I only work at a summer music camp that pays next to minimum wage. I kind of need the money for college applications and my trip to D.C. this year though. so please don't sue. Also, I didn't write the list of 50 Ways to Piss off Voldemort. I stole it from mugglenet, who stole it from someone who stole it from someone else whose name has been lost to history. If you happen to be this person, drop me a line and I'll credit you. I feel bad not doing so.  
  
The Death of Thalia Mousai  
  
Thalia Mousai had been a good student during her years at Hogwarts. While the Sorting Hat placed her in Slytherin, she found that she had little in common with her fellow bunkmates. In fact, the only Slytherin she felt any sort of fondness for was a little boy named Sirius Black. Sirius, while the brother of a known Deatheater, didn't seem to be as attracted to the Dark Arts as the other students in Slytherin. In fact, it was a rare occasion if he was seen without his best friends: James Potter of Gryffindor, Remus Lupin of Ravenclaw, and Peter Pettigrew of Hufflepuff.  
  
Time passed and everything changed. Thalia had joined the Order of the Phoenix alongside Sirius and his friends so that she could destroy the looming evil that was Lord Voldemort. Soon, however, before she had much to do with anything (other than a very angry hexing directed at Lucius Malfoy who made it a point to mock her whenever they passed in Diagon Alley), the war was over. The Order had suffered losses in James, Lily, Peter, and whether anyone cared to admit it or not, Sirius.  
  
Thalia was a very useful arithmancer. She spent the years following the end of the First Great War locked up in the only skyscraper in Hogsmeade doing magical financing for Honeydukes. It wasn't until she received the first of many owls from her old Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, that she learned that the Dark Lord had come back. She immediately returned to Hogwarts and eventually ventured to 12 Grimmauld Place to rejoin the Order and was shocked to learn the truth about her old colleague Sirius Black. Her schoolgirl crush immediately returned, despite the sudden appearance of lines in his face and gray hairs littering about. Thalia was nearly always at 12 Grimmauld Place unless Dumbledore had specifically asked her to stake out a given location - her presence in Slytherin had proved invaluable. It seemed that many of the former Hogwarts students put great faith into a silly little hat that never claimed to put dark wizards into one house. How funny that they all seemed to hear that.  
  
However, the following June, Thalia heard from Dumbledore: Sirius Black had been killed in battle. He was to receive the Order of Merlin, first class - but he would never be given the chance to enjoy it.  
  
July came, then August and September. Thalia slowly became increasingly bitter. She fought with Deatheaters almost every night - trying to take on one or two at a time. Occasionally she was successful. It wasn't until October 31st that the Harry Potter factor became an issue. Following the third actual prophecy Trelawney had produced, he arrived at the old Riddle house for the second time in three years. Emergency sparks went up into the air across Europe and the United States. The Order had rapidly expanded to many wizards spanning two continents. All the Muggles seemed to think that it was a rather impressive display of fireworks. The Order knew better, however. Most members apparated directly to 12 Grimmauld Place. Almost immediately, seeing the words glowing above the fireplace, they appeared at the Riddle home. What ensued was an epic battle. Dark wizards versus white wizards. The Order hadn't expected the Dark Lord's army to expand. While Thalia fought Lucius Malfoy, who had recently escaped from Azkaban, Harry Potter was fighting Voldemort himself.  
  
Voldemort disarmed Harry. Harry looked around with a panicked look on his face, not knowing what to do. Voldemort raised his wand high into the air and with a roar, screamed, "AVADA KEDAVRA!"  
  
Thalia was a good wizard. Perhaps she will be one of the best remembered by history (as her sister Clio was likely to ensure). Ducking Lucius, she ran in front of Harry and absorbed the death wish - losing consciousness immediately. Harry, shocked (if not more so by the apparent recognition that flashed across Voldemort's face), raced for his wand. The battle was over, but the war had just begun. 


	2. So, this is being dead

Name: The Death of Thalia Mousai  
  
Chapter: 2, So This is Being Dead.  
  
Author: The Miserable (email me at NaivetteSocks@yahoo.com if you need to)  
  
Notes: Better about the humor. I promise it'll get funny by chapter 3 or 4 when I kick in with the list.  
  
Notes2: I don't give a damn if I offended anyone. I thought I'd mention that. Everyone gets to spout off their views of God, I thought I'd spout off mine. There are more notes about references at the end of the story. I think it kind of ruins it if it comes before the substance.  
  
Spoilers: You really ought to have read 5. If you don't care if it's ruined for you, go ahead - but don't complain to me. I tried warning you.  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing's changed since this morning. Plus, I haven't worked any hours, so I'm very much where I was financially 5 hours ago. I still don't own anything except Thalia, her family, the story-line, my version of God, and my beliefs.  
  
The Death of Thalia Mousai; Chapter 2: So This is Being Dead.  
  
Thalia opened her eyes for what seemed like the first time in a millennia. She lay in a green grove littered with daffodils, daisies, and tulips. She sniffed and the scent of vanilla wafted through her nose. * Oh no *, she thought. * Damn it! * Oddly enough, dying before the end of the war ended hadn't been on her agenda. And, as pleasant as these surroundings were, she had no clue what to do. Based on all those Muggle depictions, there was supposed to be a dark tunnel and a light at the end of it rushing to meet you. The open grove didn't usually come until later.  
  
Some ways away from her was a little pond that glistened in the sun. She could see something moving beneath the surface. Thalia wandered over and gazed in, shocked to see members of the Order crying beneath the surface. She reached in to pull them out but her hand only caused a ripple in their image. They were all dressed in black. Dumbledore stood on a podium before them. Behind him was a plaque that read "Thalia Mousai, 1960- 1995."  
  
Dumbledore spoke. "Thalia was simply one of the best witches I knew. She gave everything, including her life, to end the second coming of Lord Voldemort." Everyone twitched. "It is because of witches like this that we have been able to come as far as we have. But she won't be the last to die. Hopefully she knows that we've realized how pivotal she has been to our cause." Albus looked straight into Thalia's face. Startled, she looked away. When she looked back, Dumbledore had left the podium.  
  
Thalia strolled around the grove, taking in the smell of the vanilla and basking in the sunlight. The silence was broken by the sound of someone clearing his throat. Thalia looked around, a little startled. Apart from the lone deer strolling through the plains, there was no one there.  
  
Again, there was a subtle, "AHEM!!"  
  
Thalia looked up. A pale blue light filtered through the rolling clouds. The source of the light floated gently to the ground. Thalia blinked. Before her stood a man with scraggly looking black hair and tattered robes.  
  
"Sirius?" she asked. But she didn't - it resonated through the grove even though she hadn't opened her mouth.  
  
"Hi Thalia." He hadn't opened his mouth either. "Nice day out, isn't it?" He looked up at the storm clouds and smiled. They had both enjoyed storms when they were in Slytherin some 20 years back.  
  
"Yeah. So. We're dead."  
  
Sirius smiled faintly. "It happens. Better here than. elsewhere. I still can't believe you killed Belatrix. She's been sending me howlers from hell about what utter crap my being here is. Only Black. et cetera."  
  
Thalia pouted. "She got on my nerves."  
  
"Hmm. yeah. I'm supposed to take you to meet Him now." Sirius looked sadly into her eyes.  
  
". 'Him'?"  
  
"God."  
  
Thalia looked a little surprised. On the other hand, she was had been waiting for some time to be approached by someone. She was glad it had been Sirius. Like Sirius, her family was composed of Deatheaters and other supporters of Voldemort. She had been disowned and she was forced to live with various foster families who would take her in briefly during her seventh year. No Slytherin wanted her because of her blatant disregard for the black arts. No one in any other house wanted anything to do with her because she was a Slytherin. It was funny how everyone in Slytherin managed to convince themselves that she was no longer a Muggle-lover in her later years. She wouldn't have wanted any of those people in her presence moments after she woke up from being dead.  
  
Moments later, Sirius and Thalia arrived at a large gate. A man she could only assume was Saint Peter stood near the gate behind a podium with a long roster of names. He wore half-moon spectacles and sported a bright blue Mohawk. He looked up briefly. Thalia caught a glimpse of a "Go Christians!" button he was sporting. As he turned to his list and started flipping through the large book of names, Sirius caught her eye.  
  
"The Christians are playing the Wiccans in the Quidditch semi-finals next week. If the Christians win, they're going to play either the Gluttons or Traitors in the finals. Everyone's placing bets that the Christians are going to play the Traitors, but personally, I think the Gluttons stand a chance to make it to the finals. Best beaters around. They have a poor seeker though. You really do need someone light and speedy."  
  
A little confused, Thalia turned back to Saint Peter who had finally reached a page marked November 4, 1995. Thalia noticed her name written in bright pink ink. "Oh dear, said Saint Peter. "You're going to be late! Go right on through, Mr. Black will show you the way."  
  
The gates slid open and Thalia heard strains of "Living on a Prayer" filtering through to her ears. She glanced at Sirius. "Mr. Black?"  
  
Sirius smiled. "Apparently, he seems to think that loyalty to Albus Dumbledore outweighs loyalty to Jesus Christ. I tried explaining that it wasn't on the same scale, seeing as Dumbledore is trying to rid the world of pestilence while Christ was the Son of God and got screwed, but then I think my point got lost." Thalia and Sirius came to a door. "Okay, Thalia. He's right through there. Have fun." Sirius had an anxious look on his face.  
  
"Aren't you coming with me?" Thalia asked. Sirius looked apprehensive.  
  
"I don't know. I've never had to meet Him before."  
  
Thalia looked panicked. "What did I do?" She shook her head. "No, you're coming with me."  
  
She dragged him the last few steps to the huge wooden door, paused, and then knocked politely. Sirius was starting to tremble as her breath became shorter. The door opened inward. Thalia stepped in nervously, still dragging Sirius behind her. A swivel chair was facing away from the two intruders. A large desk separated God from Thalia and Sirius. Fingers snapped and suddenly two chairs appeared.  
  
"Sit."  
  
As if under the Imperius curse, Sirius and Thalia did exactly that. The swivel chair turned slowly around and God faced the two in welcome.  
  
They both gasped. Facing them was the spitting image of Severus Snape.  
  
Snape-God looked puzzled. "Is there something wrong?"  
  
Thalia found her voice first, and without opening her mouth, "You aren't very Catholic, are you?"  
  
Snape-God smiled. "I am whatever I choose to appear. I have a lot of people to appease, you know. Between the uptight Catholics that don't want to admit my only son was black to the Muslims that seem to think my son was an infidel, to the Jews that think my son was a Prophet and not my son at all and are still waiting for me to come back, to the Raelians that seem to think I'm an olive skinned girl that arrived on a space-ship in the 1970's. Some people can't deal with the idea that you all pray to one God and look to one place for encouragement when no one else will give it. I can be whatever will suffice at the moment." As if to demonstrate, Snape's features melted away to resemble Dumbledore's.  
  
"Already you seem more comfortable to know that you pray to someone who appears like a loved one rather than someone who is equally good, just. misunderstood. But I am not here to impress you." At once, God switched his façade to someone that looked remarkably like Morgan Freeman, a Muggle actor.  
  
"Thalia, as I'm sure you are aware, you died a few days ago. You heroically saved the one boy in the world that stands between life and destruction. If he doesn't succeed, I'm going to be mighty pissed. But your task isn't over, I'm afraid. I need you to go back."  
  
Thalia's eyes narrowed. "What, become a ghost? I don't want to wander Earth for all eternity. I'm quite content here. God, I'm sure there are few people that have complained about the trivialities of living there the way I have."  
  
Morgan-God nodded. "This is true. This is why I'm going to cut you a deal. I'm going to send you back to Earth. You have free reign over wherever you choose to 'haunt,' as the case may be. No Muggles will be able to see you, so you don't have to worry about them at all. I just need you to do something for me, and, as soon as you see fit, you can come back to Heaven. As I understand it, Sirius has envisioned a nice little home next door to the Potters that he would be more than willing to allow you to share." Sirius blushed, but refused to look at Thalia. As if to round out the embarrassment, God added, "And from what I understand, Thalia would love to share that little home. It's really cute, actually," as Morgan-God shifted to Thalia's flute playing sister, Euterpe.  
  
Thalia blushed and stole a glance at Sirius. Sirius caught her eye and looked away. Thalia's attention returned to Euterpe-God. "But why? For what? And why me and not Sirius?"  
  
Euterpe-God nodded and he returned to her Snape form. "The Second War is not over yet. You know that. Nothing has changed in the past five days other than a new grievance for the Order. We need you to see Voldemort. You need to go talk to him."  
  
Thalia smirked. "Perhaps you don't know Voldemort. There are few people nearly as evil as he is. Betrayed the entire Wizarding community. I can talk to him, but nothing will come of it."  
  
It was Snape-God's turn to smirk. "I didn't say you had to convince him to be a good boy, did I? He killed you. You have as much fun with him as you want."  
  
It suddenly dawned on Thalia how freaking awesome God really was. No one religion had summed Him up the way He should have been summed up. He was completely loving. He would probably even forgive Voldemort if he sincerely apologized. But Voldemort wasn't going to. Now, it was about the survival of mankind. And Thalia knew exactly how she could help.  
  
Thalia got up, smiled, and left the room with Sirius on her arm. "I'll be away. I don't know how long. But I promise I'll come back." Sirius nodded and smiled half-heartedly.  
  
"I'll tell Lily and James you stopped by." Thalia giggled. Then she faded and was gone.  
  
Traditional References: There are references to Saint Peter of Christian origin (one of the 12 Apostles and is said to do check-in at the gates to Heaven), Gluttons and Traitors (which are among the seven deadly sins as derived from Dante's The Divine Comedies, Euterpe, who, when mentioned, refers to Thalia's sister who was named after the flute-playing muse, and various religions. I classify the Raelians as a religion because they have a set of beliefs regarding how we got here. For those of you who don't remember the aliens, they were the people at the turn of 2003 who claimed they had cloned a baby and are lead by a French man named Rael who met the aliens on top of a volcano. Yeah, you think they're crazy, but they're religion is constantly gaining momentum.  
  
Pop culture reference: Made reference to Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer." I thought it was appropriate and I happened to be listening to it as I wrote that part of the chapter. Also, I mentioned that God shifted to Morgan Freeman who played God in "Bruce Almighty." 


End file.
